Change can always upset our dogs. Anything that is different they notice… a furniture rearrange, a black bin bag on the pavement that wasn’t there yesterday (I’m remembering Chili had a big problem with a new black bin bag one day in W4 😅), our energies and emotions – that one’s a biggie. Another biggie, is the comings and goings of the household… many dogs are not keen on the group splitting up, preferring everybody to stay together and remain safe.
For my surgery, my mum came to stay to look after Ludo. And although it doesn’t happen that often, it is now something that Ludo is used to and enjoys for a night or two, rarely more than that. This time it was for 4 days, 3 nights and when I reappeared, I was different in Ludo’s eyes… moving very slowly and carefully, full of drugs, energetically quite different AND I was no longer his main source of most things… it was no longer me who fed him, wiped his paws, wiped his eyes and chops, went out for a walk with him.
Firstly, he stared at me a lot. He tracked me and followed me everywhere, laying down a bit in my way like he was trying to keep me in one place! He lay down next to the loo, outside the shower, right behind me when I sat to dry my hair. He was like a minder. Bless. Aren’t dogs just so amazing, instinctively stepping up into a caring, minding role.
…but he wouldn’t let me stroke him…! 😳😱
He would always be in close proximity, but if I put my hand out to stroke him, he would literally duck away from my hand and walk away a bit! It reminded me of when he first joined our family… he wasn’t particularly affectionate with me for a looong time while we were establishing our lives together. It’s quite common for dogs not to be affectionate while they are figuring life out, they have to sort out the business of survival first.
His behaviour showed that my incapacity really rocked his world for a few days… he could see that I was no longer the person he relied on for most things that keep him safe and happy. I was out of action… he didn’t know it wasn’t temporary so what did that mean for him?
It can sound a bit dramatic, but this kind of thing can hugely affect a dog’s sense of their own and their family’s safety and survival. It can be really serious business for them. Ludo needed a few days to work it out and while he was figuring it out, he did a great job of minding me (helping me survive?) but having taken on that stressful job he was clearly not feeling relaxed enough to engage in relaxation and affection with me. I came out of hospital on Monday and he was not “himself” until Thursdayish!
What did I do about it?
Nothing. Just got on with looking after myself and didn’t try too hard to do anything with him, didn’t try harder to convince him to have a cuddle with me. Tried to be “normal” lol and when I was doing the temporarily tricky parts of life like getting up, moving etc, I just got on with it whilst using the usual tactic of paying him no attention when I don’t want to add emphasis and concern into something.
This allowed him time to figure out that everything was actually ok, life was still under control, we were all still safe, there was no need to worry and he was able to return to his affectionate self.
Sometime on that Thursday, I called him over for a stroke and what happened next made me really laugh:
He actually stayed there for about 45 mins and it seemed to be the turning point for him to return to his normal self again!
Dogs are so amazing. Always only trying their best for their families even, actually, particularly in the face of change that worries them. We just need to give them space and time to figure out that all is ok and it’s safe to relax into their best selves again.
